Tiny Rituals, Big love.
5 Simple Steps to Rekindle Your Connection:
Needing that spark back? I hear yah! And I have something for yah that I know you will love! I use it with every. single. one. of. my. couples and I get wonderful feedback.
So here it is-The Rituals of Connection Exercise! Goodness, I even love saying those words- feels like magic.
And yet, it’s not magic- it’s all about creating a system in place for the relationship (system-another word I adore.) A system that works for you rather than against you. It’s an intentional ritual woven into the fabric of the relationship.
When I have my couples choose their ritual, I often encourage them to think about choosing something that would be nutrients (or vitamins) to the relationship right now.
My own little twist on this exercise, that I have found works really well, is making it a Seasonal Rituals of Connection.
Why seasonal? Because, let’s be honest with ourselves, life changes, schedules shift, heck, sometimes even boredom kicks in, and what worked last season might not land the same this season.
So let’s just embrace the fact we are ever-changing humans that need that flexibility and change. The ritual should evolve with you. That’s how we make it sustainable.
How to Get Started
Here’s the approach I encourage:
- Choose ONE Ritual: The key here is to set the bar really low. Pick one ritual to nurture your relationship. Find a frequency that isn’t overwhelming and actually works with your rhythmic of life.
- Set an End Date: To make it feel manageable and achievable, agree on a specific timeframe. This helps create a sense of accomplishment and allows you to evaluate what’s working before committing long-term.
- Make it Sacred and Special: This is where we elevate it to a truly sacred space. Think: a device-free zone, mood lighting, a quiet place away from distractions, a special snack or beverage. How can we set this space up to be a moment that is deeply connecting (not saying, that it will be that every single time, but heck we can at least set it up for that, right?)
- Share Your Why: Once you’ve picked a ritual, take a moment to share with each other why this particular ritual is important to you. Understanding each other’s motivations deepens the meaning of the ritual.
- Add it to your schedule: Time to grab your phone/calendar and add it to the schedule! Once you’ve reached the end date, that will be your indicator to celebrate your success, and choose a new ritual or keep the one you have in place.
Once your ritual is in motion, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you start releasing oxytocin—that lovely bonding hormone—making you feel more connected.
Inspiration for Your Rituals
Here are some examples of rituals that I personally love that are inspired the Rituals of Connection Card Deck from The Gottman Institute.
- Reunion Ritual: How do you greet each other when you come home? Make it a warm, intentional hello.
- Taking Leave Ritual: Create a consistent, loving way to say goodbye each day.
- Nature Time: Spend time together outdoors, whether it’s a walk, a hike, or just sitting in a park.
- Community Giving: Volunteer or give back to your community together.
- Check-ins: Use technology intentionally (e.g., a special text message ritual) to stay connected throughout the day.
- Shared Mealtimes: Make a meal together, put on your favorite tunes and have some creative fun in the kitchen.
- Highs and Lows: Dedicate time to share your daily wins and challenges with empathy.
- Exercise Together: Find an activity you both enjoy that gets you moving.
- Daily Appreciation: Share specific things you appreciate about each other.
By approaching your relationship with intentionality and creating a system of rituals you’ll be on your way to a more connected and loving relationship!
Wishing you deeper connection and joy,
Natalie
